Thursday, June 5, 2008

prayer 15 october 2007

sometimes i pray so hard before i go to sleep that He wakes me up early to tell me things.  and there is no going back to sleep when He is the alarm.  so at 4:28 am i sit up in my bed and take note so i don't forget the message.

my prayers are often clones- asking for guidance, purpose, truth, persistence, perseverance & strength. ever so often i'll review my prayer journal- seems i've been putting myself through the same tests since 31 march 2006.  i forget the things that i put myself through, so i have to go back and read so i don't make the same mistakes twice. (i should probably read it more)

anywho- this particular night i was praying for direction (guidance)... what do i want? it used to be so easy. i could tell you exactly what i wanted, and the age i would have it by.  NOW, the woes of adultdom and nyc residency weigh heavy.  so i prayed... and He brought me back to my foundation:

  • peace of mind- being content, having faith in HIM, internal joy & a general appreciation for life and what it has to offer
  • integrity- holding true to my personal values; being honest with myself & others about who i am
  • love- i crave this from a select few; and i give it in varying degrees (i'm aware that part may need a bit of improvement) 
  • dreams- "if you can imagine it, it is real" -picasso 
"if i truly want something... nothing can stop me, but i lost my way and for a second thought i was asking too much.  i think because i couldn't come up with the exact path as in the past, i couldn't see 'it' happening.  but i have never been the one to take the safe route... i have always blazed my own trail and done things people were/are weary of, taking a risk, a chance, stepping out on a limb.  i can't believe i lost that. i'm reclaiming it RIGHT NOW."



3 comments:

wild cowgirl said...

...someone had a lot on her mind today...

The Urbane Epicurean said...

Well dammit then stomp the floor and announce to the world your power! Tell them what you are going to do and who you are!

Anonymous said...

i need you to write the next story. i need the feel of your words for this one