montreal:: poutine, crepes, & lovin'

bonjour from pamela shepard on Vimeo.

on the way & coming soon...

...just a taste :)

four-finger ring

inspiration....

working on a project at the moment

ceramic jewelry

dewy & demur

:)

the video

the colors

does it for me

how lovely she is...

mom in the 70's

my natural inspiration

she probably has no idea..

don't you love the big hair?!

he asked and i said...

"i am [now] who i always thought i was,

and wanted to be,

but didn't think i could be."

so... here we are...

must admit

i was proud of myself for that one

had to write it down

ha

if i was going...

to get married this summer

this would totally be my wedding dress

:)

feast your eyes on this one...

but of course...

Jillian.. the cutest cousin ever

(aside from her sisters ;)

is now a member of

THE NATIONAL HONOR SOCIETY

CONGRATS!!!

... yep pretty much

runs in the family...

thanks.

may 8 :: thoughts

…since when do people know what they want?

This was Shaun’s response to me.. his wisdom via God/Morgan Freeman in the movie Bruce Almighty. I was explaining to him how through all of my changes and my growth I haven’t the slightest idea of what my type is regarding men. Ok, so maybe a little idea about what I need from past experiences.. but as far as what that package looks like and how to spot him… I’m completely stumped.

However, in writing this it seems to all make sense. I can’t judge anyone from the outside and that was probably my issue before... Duh- So caught up with the external… what is lacking from the internal goes unnoticed. I should just focus on how I feel, the chemistry, the balance… I guess I’ll know it when it comes… which is what they say right?

Several things…

So I met a guy on Wednesday… long story short, I found out (via google… I know I know) that he may be kindofabigdeal. Immediately, I must say I became a bit intimidated by the thought of proceeding with him and what it means, say if we enter into a relationship (can’t help it.) Am I ready for the responsibility of being the counterpart to someone like that? Good enough? When he finds out more about me will he think I’m the appropriate choice for his life? Will he find value in who I am and what I am doing? Possess the patience to peel back the layers? To know that he can only see a fraction of me at this moment and that I will always be growing, changing, morphing and being… Appreciate that that’s the intriguing part of being with me? It will never get old…

Separate, but equally important… several people (kids in school) are leaving my job. For a moment because of their moving on I began to feel stuck. Like I am in a place where I have accepted my fate to work in a retail store.

Then, after a few moments I snapped myself out of it. New York and life can be so distracting! I am where I should be. I am working on my 10,000 hours. I am only at Reiss only 3 days a week (with full-time benefits might I add), and I have freedom to work DK and plenty of time to focus on my pottery. This is my lifestyle at the moment… what I wanted, what I asked for, what I received, and what I am thankful for. It is not exactly as I imagined but it’s damn near perfect. My career cannot and will not make me. My presence in this world is a gift and I should, will and do carry myself as such. What I have to offer is special to me and me only. You’re welcome.

No man or outside distraction is going to knock me off track for who I am now and who I am slated to be.

april 20 :: bday eve :: thoughts

It’s April 20, 2010 and tomorrow I will be 27 years of age.

I have been thinking about where I am in my life right now and if I step back and take a look I’m doing just fine. No comparisons to the general population, no looking at time, just asking myself if I am doing what is necessary to be the best me.

I realized not too long ago that I must make things beautiful and make beautiful things. Today, I am an artist. For so long I thought the word too bold, I was too humble to have the label placed upon me. I did not want to be responsible for its weight. Today, I know not claiming what I have been called to be is death. I understand now.

I do battle, however, with the need to take in information vs. the need to create. I observe and absorb so much but my output is quite minimal. Reminds me of a friend’s childhood story- for the entirety of her time as a toddler through adolescence she barely spoke… barely said a word… and today she is the life of the party and a social butterfly. Was she just taking it all in during those foundational years? Only to have a overflow of fervor for life years later…

I am comfortable and that scares me. It is in this place that I fear complacency and acceptance. Isn’t it anger and problems that inspired creative solutions and gallant expressive acts?

I must want more and strive for greater than this moment. Every moment should be the ultimate moment.

I look at photographs of New Yorkers and all I see is youth. The life we lead here is so young. Selfish. Is it the lack of responsibility to anyone but ourselves that keeps us going? Keeps us cool/chic/on trend etc.?

For the first time in a long time I am truly single. I have cut off or took a break from all of my guy “friends.” You know, the ones that I would hang out with, hook up with or had an unfailing attraction for. All of them gone. It’s a bit liberating I must admit. A friend said to me, “I love single Shayla.” Me too. I do what I want with my time, find MY way… I’m finding my person without the influence of others or another.

I didn’t know that being an artist was an option. Seemed unsafe. How can I make a living from that? It’s not what I saw as a child. My parents, both in ‘stable’ jobs- teacher and project manager at architectural firm.

I have been thinking a lot about leaving New York. Thinking about the west coast or moving home for a bit. Thought of grad school at Ohio State.. apparently they have a decent program in ceramics. I have really appreciated my new-found interest in pottery. There is also a program in San Francisco. Both programs are in the top 10… hum, wonder if I could go to OSU for free? Or get a killer scholarship for SF.

I am easily influenced… gotta stop that. The world is too loud and my mind too quiet. Speak up.