all things at once... very unclear i know. i'm working on opening the door and letting you in. please excuse. so it is official- this is the start of a work week where i'm not actually 'going' to work... i am my own, and i'm here. but i am going to go, very far indeed.

the loss of sleep- not sure if that is temporary. it may not be too bad because that is when He speaks, so i'm wide awake...

open
open up your mind now
open up the sky now

open up your mind now
open wide now
come let me in now

open and fly now
come on and try now

thank you kenna.

i'm listening to everything, i hear it all. so much to process, and the strongest effort is organizing all of it. i want so much- want the REAL wealth of balance, peace, love... right now though my mind is overflowing with the potential, the possibilities. I'M ACTING. He answered, He is following through... as He said He would. i'm just trying to do my part in this thing.

the shift

i may be all things at once, or one thing at a time.
my decision, or maybe my heart's
all are contending for the ultimate win.
i think it's realistic for all to go home with the gold medal.
in the end, thankfully i win regardless..
but by how much?

"what He's given is good, but what He's got to give is great."

did i hinder my great? i'm trying my best not to
anymore

i've been losing sleep over this

in the meantime i find comfort in imagery..
these B&W are all things at once
and one thing at a time

if and then

if this doesn't scream etherealdisco, then what does?

photographer: tim walker

right place

so the culmination of prayers, conversations, daydreams, read wisdom have had their way with me. i have officially stepped away from the establishment to create my own. what's funny is logic and gen. pop. would probably have advised otherwise, but the time is now. i can't help but smile to myself, because i know something they don't. there is no understanding or clear explanation for what i feel. a sense of peace, calm and happiness has overwhelmed me as i imagine the days ahead. i'm open to life and the experiences that present themselves to me as i move along the path that He created for me.

"take the first step in faith. you don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." Dr. MLK

this makes me smile like 72 and sunny

the link below is another, it's kinda old.

nice to know my emotions don't just belong to me

and how cool is the video?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-T8tYL2bqGQ

ethereal mosaic

pretty interesting results.. try it for yourself

Type your answer to the questions into flickr search
-Using only the first page, pick an image
-Copy and paste each of the urls of the Mosaic Maker

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3.What high school did you go to (or where are you planning to attend)?
4.What is your favorite color?
5.Who is your celebrity crush?
6.What is your favorite drink?
7.What is your dream vacation?
8.What is your favorite dessert?
9.What do you want to do when you grow up?
10.Who/ what do you love most in life?
11.Choose one word that describes you?
12.What is your Flickr name?

purpose love

i thought it over...

ethereal disco is a lifestyle, a light, airy, fairy-tale like existence admist this place that i should build on

just go with it... do you ;)

i intend to... keep thinkin i have to figure it out, but i did already

DO
just DO
already know how to BE

tend to get a bit frightened by the sacrifice
too used to the comfort
but life is risk

i think i told myself upon receiving that degree that all of the experimentation, trials, tries had to end
i got settled and adapted to things that weren't for me... yes, i learned a lot... but the need to move on was there bc i knew/know something else lies ahead

purpose love is the theme

everyday your actions put 'us' in perspective

moved every time

my brooklyn

re: this way

it was brought to my attention that i have a gift: i don't have expectations for people. this allows me the ability to bypass a certain level of disappointment and frustration when it comes to others. i guess i never thought about it that way. i am not naive, nor am i ignorant- i accept people for who they are. i require nothing from them. oh, of course if i get something i am truely thankful and appreciative but if not, no worries. i have the ability to be content without them. however, i do enjoy the addition of those that i love- the chosen few whom i have allowed in and kept around. they are a divinely special bunch. no really, they are magic.

i thought about 'this way' a bit more. dove a little deeper into the thoughts, experiences and influences. as most things, this way may stem from childhood. my parents are love- two of the most selfless, kind, patient, and calm people i have ever met. at my age of eight, their marriage dissolved. they took care to make sure i knew that nothing was my fault, that they loved me. there was no mess, no fighting, all remained peaceful. what did change was the living arrangement- i would spend one week with one parent, and the next week with the other, alternating homes and lifestyles every week for the next 10 years of my life. i became an expert at packing. got my caboodle together and all my favorite things (my island) said bye to mom and hello to dad- bye to dad and hello to mom. it was kinda fun this life, always changing, living on my own in a way.

upon further reflection, i wonder if this made me a loner, a wanderer- off on my own, doing my own thing. did my own thing a lot. i had diverse interests- started ski racing at the age of seven. was clearly the only one of my friends doing that. that's fine, i'll just train by myself- wake up at 5am on weekends go train with the support of my father. travel to oregon to spend 2 weeks training some more every summer. then came fashion. once again the lone ranger with no partners. that's fine- it's what i like so... it's what i have to do. focussed on art, skill and aesthetics, beauty, clothing, and make-up. came to ny to grow and italy to expand. on my own.

friends and fam are here but... i am by myself. there is no doubt in my mind that i am loved. but people can't always be there, even if they desire to be. they accept me, but don't really understand this way. not sure if anyone ever will. it's fine- He does.

this way

he asked me why am i this way. out of all his friends, i'm the only one that acts like this. even out of all my friends, i am the lone black sheep.

http://www.mypersonality.info/personality-types/infp/

i live on an island. its just north of reality. occasionally, i go down south to visit others, bringing my island with me of course, to exchange fruit and other local delicacies. at the end of the day i fall asleep and my island is right back where it started.

it also seems as though there is a portion of the population that isn't very keen on my owning this land. i tend not to acknowledge their presence. oh yes, at first it was hard- had me thinking something was wrong with me. but i discovered there is no wrong, just difference. i am exactly the way i am because this is how God created me to be... island and all.

i guess this still doesn't answer the why. i mean why is the sky blue? geez. it's so hard to say. what makes me, would for the most part seem to be subconscious layers of thoughts, experiences, and influence (how is this different from everyone else though?)

it has been observed that i don't quite fall in line with the general population, and i feel it myself, but what is IT?

the people that i purposefully keep in my life and keep close to me inspire. they bring me an element of safety and comfort. their islands are usually filled with people because that's what makes them happy. i love it when they are in this state of contentment, but enjoy them most when i have them all to myself. they sometimes venture off their populated islands to experience a bit of peace on mine. i have noticed over the years that i have never quite been away from my island, but in all honestly that's how i would prefer it.

on the contrary, there are times when i don't like being on my island. occasionally darkness falls and all i can do is sit and pray. most of the population isn't aware that my island knows more than the sun. i usually don't invite others at night. bad habit. i guess to me it seems as though darkness is contagious. i'd rather not put a damper on their cocktail parties. so i usually wallow and stay in prayer. eventually, i fall asleep and wake to the sun again. knowing that i am still alone and on my own but that it is ok.

i still probably haven't answered the why... dunno if i have an answer or if it is really important. i just am.

prayer 7 & 29 july 2008

prayer 7:
the much-needed break to st. lucia was a blessing and i can’t thank you enough. the beach the rainforest, the tranquility, the ease, and even mosquitoes… i thank you for all of it. i would also like to thank you for the company. he was such a joy; we laughed, talked and laughed some more. i was truly comforted by his presence and every moment drew us closer. i only imagined moments like the times we shared. love was found. i look to you. i am forever grateful that i have known these feelings.

you have also blessed me with insight. for the past couple of years i have been on a thoughtful journey of self-exploration, purpose, etc. i have also come to several conclusions, how diverse they may be, that i should be working for myself. i have come up with several great ideas but have neglected to form a solid plan/timeline and a course of action. Lord, i believe my time is now. i’m looking to you for reassurance- we have had the conversation and I need your strength and perseverance to do this. help me to be focused and ACTION oriented. i know through you i can and will do these things.


prayer 29:
it’s a world out there. always living vibrantly, quickly- stopping or pausing to take a breath. recovery is more like it- we live in daily surgery, often operating on the same place, the same open wound. we can only look to you in these times, look for you within ourselves. there is no other option- for me at least.

i see her; she is in you and you in her. my view of her is prayer. what is she to learn? i hope there is sharing so don’t have to experience it too. or maybe that's just how it goes. Lord keep her… i know you are carrying right now, but she may feel like she is drowning. oh, how i want this to be over for her lord. bring her out of this state, stronger, changed and wiser.

additionally, please continue to keep me lord- keep me motivated and driven and energized. this is complete tiredom. sacrifice is necessary. i know. please aid so I can maintain and exceed my goals. Lord, show me when it’s time for me to leave the establishment. bless me with resources and clients so there is minimal transitional struggle. keep me in ACTION… i need that. the thought comes a bit easier.

to my angel. please keep her strong- i know she is feeling a bit taxed… help her to maintain. Lord, help me to help her feel almighty and important. she is so awesome.

he is away again. it’s good because his absence is allowing me to focus so… i miss him. keep him safe as he travels. allow him to come back refreshed, renewed and awake. i know he has had a lot on his mind. make it clear.

congratulations sir

you're pretty much amazing :)

another time & place

these are the early stages. these are the influencers. these are the revolutionaries. do you have it in you? do i have it in me? i certainly hope so. ready?

prayer 15 october 2007

sometimes i pray so hard before i go to sleep that He wakes me up early to tell me things.  and there is no going back to sleep when He is the alarm.  so at 4:28 am i sit up in my bed and take note so i don't forget the message.

my prayers are often clones- asking for guidance, purpose, truth, persistence, perseverance & strength. ever so often i'll review my prayer journal- seems i've been putting myself through the same tests since 31 march 2006.  i forget the things that i put myself through, so i have to go back and read so i don't make the same mistakes twice. (i should probably read it more)

anywho- this particular night i was praying for direction (guidance)... what do i want? it used to be so easy. i could tell you exactly what i wanted, and the age i would have it by.  NOW, the woes of adultdom and nyc residency weigh heavy.  so i prayed... and He brought me back to my foundation:

• peace of mind- being content, having faith in HIM, internal joy & a general appreciation for life and what it has to offer
  
• integrity- holding true to my personal values; being honest with myself & others about who i am
  
• love- i crave this from a select few; and i give it in varying degrees (i'm aware that part may need a bit of improvement) 
  
• dreams- "if you can imagine it, it is real" -picasso 
  

"if i truly want something... nothing can stop me, but i lost my way and for a second thought i was asking too much.  i think because i couldn't come up with the exact path as in the past, i couldn't see 'it' happening.  but i have never been the one to take the safe route... i have always blazed my own trail and done things people were/are weary of, taking a risk, a chance, stepping out on a limb.  i can't believe i lost that. i'm reclaiming it RIGHT NOW."

how fitting

that the definition of SHAYLA is "fairy palace"

(this is too much.. i can't even make this stuff up)

thanks mom & dad.

yes please

the fall wardrobe of my dreams

thank you halston/rachel zoe... this embodies THE look... etherealdisco, boholux, primsoul

::sigh::

take me away

i woud LOVE to be here right now

*painting courtesy of gustav klimt

warning: it comes & goes

in the past i have diagnosed myself with a photographic memory

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eidetic_memory

i think this still holds true

however, i will not be held responsible for remembering the things i did not see

that is all.

well alright then

how can you not love this? i feel warm. they're small men.

so dapper.

bliss at 8pm

enlightenment. faith. peace. tranquility. self.

sitting in ft. greene, wondering, wandering, take breath, take deep breath- i received my sigh of relief. my peace is here. no other statement could ever be more true. my inspiration is here. when else would, i, shayla cox, write this. clinton hill, ft. greene, dumbo, all contribute to my flowery existence once i cross that bridge from money, chaos, greed. i ask myself, what is it all for? been asking that a lot lately. i mean really... i'm so over manhattan- wouldn't mind if my entire existence was in brooklyn my love.

sometimes i ask myself what's next. after ny, then what? you really gonna stay here? raise kids here? dunnno. where else can you find the antiquity of architecturally enriched brownstone blocks? or community so nationally/internationally diverse? full of art, fashion, life... everything i have come to love during my 25 years is right here.

is it a phase?

*and if you do know a place that is similar to what is described above, please let me know so i can add it to my list of one. thanks.

broken seal

this is to record the thoughts that won't calm. i shied away from this, because right now it seems like 'the thing' to do. of course i don't want to be part of a crowd, BUT this- this is gonna be good. for me at least. it's also to include my loved ones in on the happening that is my life- they'll have more than a clue in this realm. it will be an open forum of thoughts, love and true exchange. letting those who are close to me in, i mean really IN has always been a challenge. this is to aid. trying something new to get a different outcome. i refuse to let it be anything but pleasant. although the journey may be a bit rough at times, i will take nothing less than a happy ending.